Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Can You Feel It?

Up here in the land of the North, it is well that time of year, the eveing becomes cool, the morning are crisp and well it is the last week before school begins.

There is anticipation in the air, what will the new school year bring? Will Roo get good teachers who I an communicate with? how will she do without an Eductional Assistant? Will I finally get to go back to work?

I am eager to see what this year will bring..Roo is eager to see her friends..We got to see 2 yesterday, we went for a barbeque at the lil girl who I watch after school's and on the walk over we ran into Roo's classmate from last year( they will be in the same class this year). So it was great fun for her to spend time with friends..For me it is great to watch because for the longest time forming friendships was something Roo simply couldnt do, so I am a happy mom.

This is our week to say Adieu to summer, so it is filled with a trip to the libary, a trip to our favorite summer craft tine, a trip to the park, a trip to the CNE, and a wee bit of shopping so it will be a very busy week!

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Morning Talk with Roo

I am cross posting this on both my blogs today cause well it was such a great conversation with Roo:

My daughter Roo and I had an intersting talk this morning about money..You see she was watching TV and a Plan Canada program came on, and my daughter who is a very empathic 9 year old was like mom why do some kids live like that? why cant we share? can we sponser all these kids? please mom what can we do...
Roo doesnt realize that to Canadian standards we are considered poor by many, even though we have a place to live, food in the cupboards, and well freecycled and garage sale material possessions. Our talk turned to what we do have materially and how that compares to the children in much of the world. Roo I think was realizing how rich we are on a global standard. It made her stop and think about her collection of toys in her room, and how some kids arent so blessed, and the shelves full of books she has..I think she is coming to understand that we can do our part by not buying into the material fantasy that is much of western thought.
You can live simply, make do, recycle, make concessions, and give too, they say karma is a great thing, and personally sharing as you are able to is a good thing in a world that says we need the newest computer, the newest gadgets to make our life easier, but would that really be the answer I think not, I like the lessons I have been learning myself about being cheaper then cheap..I too not that long ago was on that material rollercoaster looking for the next newest thing..simple is nice, simple is easy, simple is cheaper then cheap and leaves one feeling blessed.
Well off to have a sinple day of going to the park..be blessed.....

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Got to My First Contestors Meeting

Tonight Roo and I got to get to actually attend a ToWannaWinners meeting! For you who dont know what the group is about it is a bunch of us here in Toronto who love to enter contests. Well it was great to meet so many who I have only read about for the last 6 months! It was a blast! Roo and I came home with a mini fan and photo album oh and a lucky clover which will now hang here by the puter to bring me luck as I enter! Roo loved the fact that the meeting was at Wendy's--her favorite restraunt!

Taking Roo was a bit of a challenge, she did okay for the first hour, but then was quickly getting bored! Well I think if she goes with me again I will make sure I have stuff for her to do, maybe bring some coloring etc, or a maze book. But overall it was great. We talked about local contests, the first national convention, how we contest and so much more. The group really is a FUN bunch! I was simply glad to meet so many of them after hearing about there wins and stories!

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Reflections on Military Service and Dieppe

As I wrote earlier this week I was able to put together more of my grandfather's military service, but along with finding more about him I am learning more about his older brother who served and died for my freedom. Today is the 65th anniversary of the try to get ahold of a stronghold on French soil, the words Dieppe will forever live in the Canadian history books. For years I thought our family military service came after Dieppe, but I was wrong. You see after talking to my great uncle George( the last remaining of that generation of Pollards) my great Uncle Fredrick died 65 years ago today at Dieppe. He was one of the 913 Canadians who died that day, trying to free France. Thousands of others were injured but for them it was worth it to help another...Back then we wanted our friends to be FREE, we were willing to fight for it. Today our country lost another solidier in Afganistan, he is the 67th soldier to die in this new war we fight to again give some freedom. Years ago those who went came back our heros, having saved much of Europe from well who knows what would of happened if Hitler had had his way completely. Today we ask as we lend military effort to the task of ridding a country of terrorists, we ask should we be there? havent we done enough...It is as if we no longer want to fight for peace, for freedom, like our grandfathers, and those of his generation did. Perhaps they valued freedom more then we do today. Do we take our freedoms for granted and say if it is on the other side of the world from me I dont have to care, or get involved. Wars will always be around in some part of the world or another has some try and force views, and lifestyles onto others..why is this? Did our grandfathers fight in vain on that beach if we are abusing the blessing of being free today? if we dont care? These are some of the questions I ask today as I watch the men who were there go back to remember my great uncle, and the other 912 men lost that day.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

A Step into the Past

Yesterday me and Roo headed to the other side of the city to get together with my sister and then go visit family.We met up at Yorkdale and then went and got some flowers for grandma's and grandpa's grave..after that it was a trip up to Beechwood cemetary to take the flowers to the graves and pray our respects. Both Karen and I had a hard time rembering the exact spot where they were..we must of spent at least 10 minutes looking for grave 1515..we found it what we had missed were the flowers already covering the marker. So we tided up those ones and added ours. It was nice to go and pay our respects.

After there it was time to head over to my dad's brother Uncle R and Aunt A's. It was great to hang with them. A pulled out some OLD photos that got the stories for the family past going. It was nice to step into the past for a bit. Then Aunt A pulled out some REAL OLD pics that dated back to 1945 and a newspaer article that was in the Toronto Tegram about my grandfather Norman Pollard who was captured on Sept 29th, 1945 in Belguim. It also mentions that my grandfather's older brother had been killed in combat there. The article put so many pices together of the stories I had heard from gram about those years. Then Aunt A pulled out a photo of the day grampa left his family to go and serve, you see him a dad of 3 with his bag over his shoulder and my dad who was about Roo's age then saying goodbye to his Dad..and I couldnt help but think what it must of been like to be a parnet going off to war, not knowing if or when you would see your wife or children again. It really got me thinking of the sacrifices that my generation really dont know enough about. For me it was amazing to step back in time.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Hanging With Family

This week my sister, her partner, and my two nieces are here in Toronto. Yeah! I love when they come to vist, which is every 2 years. Today they have taken a side trip to Niagra Falls to go to Marine Land. My one niece who is 15 loves dolphins and cant wait to see them.

On Friday my sister came to visit at my place( they are staying with her partner's bro in Brampton) and left the girls for the night. I took my nieces and Roo shopping along the Danforth. ....we got there down there about 4 just as everything was getting geared up for Taste on the Danforth..you could smell the tastes in the air. Both my nieces were telling me they dont ussally street shop but hit the mall..so they were getting a kick out of going store to store. The oldest( the returned runaway) bought a few prezzies for friends and these HUGE gold earrings. The youngest was saving her money and just window shopped. Roo wanted to take the girls to her favorite store on the Danforth Treasure Island toys and guess what we found there the new CHARMS for the Webkinz ...so I watched my daughter drool for a bit as she eyed them and then as she went to show my nieces some of her favorite other things in the store I bought one while she wasnt looking. Mean mom eh! I plan on using it as a reward this week.

After we got home we had dinner and the girls watched Iced Age 1 and 2 which Roo had nver seen. All the girls had fun together and crashed together in the livingroom while I used the occasion to sleep in the only real bed we have(roo's)...

On Saturday after sleeping in it the teens decided to take Roo to the local splash park..I let the girls go on thier own and used the time to tidy up after 3 girls!!How much mess can three girls make in a day! My sis got here in the early eve and after a very short visit they were off. We are all ( meaning about 10 family mbrs) getting together tommorrow at my Uncle's place. It will be good to see some of my cousins. Most of us havent connected since my Grandma's funeral in October.
Isnt hanging with family the absolute best~!

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Sadder then Sad

I can t believe how very sad I am. I am grieving and grieving again. I cant beleive how many emotions have come up today with Bandit's daeth. It is as if Smokey( my step father just died). My mom is beide herself. She called me in tears. You see after Smokey died Bandit was mom's companion, her friend, and her strength in those first dark days after burying Smokey. Bandit is being put to rest in a pet cemetary near mom.

Smokey was the reason the family got a dog in the first place. When mom and Smokey retired and move to the acres on the mountain Smokey wanted a dog to hunt with, to take for walks, to have. What Smokey didnt know was how much we as a family came to love Bandit even more after he was gone because it was as if apart of Smokey was with us still. Today that physical piece is gone and now all we have are the memories.

Making this even harder today I called the cemetary to make arrangements for dad. To bury is ashes is going to cost about $2000 in total. There is so much stress with this burial as my dad's ashes are with his brother and well lets just say not all parts of the family are talking one to another. I can see this being a very sad stressfilled week.

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Death of Family Pet

I am so very sad tonight, I cant sleep. I just want to cry. You see tommorrow my mom is putting Bandit down...who is Bandit. BAndit is my dog, mom's dog, Karen's dog, the family pet.
Mom and Smokey got Bandit 14 years ago. Bandit was my constant companion when I lived at home. WE would go for long walks on the back acres. We would play together. I loved my dog. Smokey, my step dog was the one who first brought Bandit home and after his death Bandit became my mom's constant companion except for the last 2 years when he has lived with my sister.

This week my sister is here with me and she doesnt have it in her to put our dying pet down so mom has taken it upon herself to do it ..He is having a hard time breathing, walking, barely eating, he is dying and it is time to make peace that our pet will soon be gone but what a week for him to go, the same time we are burying dad...so much grief is at the surface and I dont know what to do with it. I feel like crying, my stomach is in knots as I relive so many memories. I never thought the death of a dog would so impact me, but it is. Since I was in my late 20's Bandit has been part of our family and with his passing thier will be a hole in our family as another one passes to the other side. He will be so very missed, and I pray his final moments are in comfort and peace for he brought us so much of that over the years. You will be so missed my dear Bandit.

Monday, August 6, 2007

Not Much of a Holiday Weekend

There wasnt much time spent relaxing on this Holiday day...it was spent scrubbing, dusting, organizing and basically cleaning. After being sick last week well housework was so piled up! Last week Roo ( my 9 yr old did some very basic chores) but that was ALL that got done so you can imagine the state of my apartment and the thing is I have my sister who works as a professional cleaner coming to visit on Wednesday! CAn you say Hollie is in panic clean mode!
Roo was great and cleaned her room.Tommorrow I will wash her floor, did the rest of them today, as well as the stove, the fridge, the bathroom, the storage closet, well you get the picture. I want it spic and span before my sister gets here. You see she supervises cleaners at the casino and her place well you can eat off the floor, literally so well I always feel like I am coming up short in my sorta clean, tidy place.

So I bleached, I wiped, I vacumed, I polished, etc etc today so now I need to relax! Do you have a favorite cleaning tool? product or system that makes you life easier, if you do, please tell cause I can use all the help I can get!

Saturday, August 4, 2007

A Dinner Invite

Last night Roo and I were invited out for dinner. My friend Juan and his son who is friends with Roo invited us over to thier place which isnt that far from us. First when I got there I must admit I was impressed his place was very warm and inviting ( not what this girl has seen at most single mens apartments) ..So Juan knowing that I am nursing that ucler of mine didnt cook up the spices which I am thankful for...we had great fish, chicken, pasta and salad...he is a very good cook. After dinner while the kids played and painted we talked and talked. It was great to get to know him better. It really was the first time I have talked to a man who has been down the divorce path, and has rebuildt, and it was great to learn his views on things and many of them mirrored mine which was very cool I thought. We listened to the spanish sounds of his culture and that music is some of my favorite as well. It really was a great night out and we werent watching the clock so Roo and I ended up getting home VERY late..just before midnight..over all an excellent night out after revovering from being so laid up for days..

Thursday, August 2, 2007

Thinking of Dad

I am not sure how many of you have lost a parent, but today is my dad's birthday and I cant help but think of him.....if he would of lived he would be 70..I cant believe that even 5 years after the loss you still feel it.

I think I am thinking of him more and more right now because we are finally putting him to rest. When he died we cremated him as per his wishes but he was never interred..his ashes sat in my gram's and his apartment till her death. It was like everytime I visited her I visited him. Well next week my sister is coming to town and one of the things we want to do with his brothers permissions is take care of dad..After gram died dad's brother found documents where dad owned two burial plots.. we want to place his ashes there. Hopefully this can be done with Karen here, making it easier to do.

I so want him to have a final resting spot, one that Roo and I can still visit and remember a life well lived. Dad was an awesome man and I miss him still so very much. I think this might help bring comfort and closure knowing that he really is taken care of.

Have any of you battled with grief long after a loss and how did you deal with it?

And dad if you are loooking down--Happy Birthday!
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