Sunday, April 26, 2009

Rembering Sam and Maddie, and Celebrating the One I Have

The past few weeks Bloggerville have been full of posts about the life and death of Madeline Sphor. She was only 17 months old when her short yet amazing life ended. It has been amazing to watch the outpouring of love and support for the family and to watch thousands of dollars be raised for the March of Dimes all by bloggers. For me it made me think of the very best that is bloggerville. I had never come across Heather's blog before the death of her child or Mike's either. So what made me cry thousands of miles away not knowing them? What made me grieve with them, pray for them, wear purple?

I went and read post after post of memories, of time spent with their precious child. I watched as they turned something that some could say is a tragedy raise awareness and funds that could help save many babies in days to come. You could not help but to feel the emotion and then for me a mom who knows loss it brought back memories.

For me a mother who lost a child before even knowing it, it brought back memories of doctor visits, memories of a sterile hospital room, it brought back memories of Sam. Many people in my life don't know that before Roo there was Sam. I was 28 when I got pregnant with Sam( I gave the child growing in me a name). Sam was not planned but after getting over the shock of being pregnant was loved still the same. Then at 20 weeks, my worst nightmare happened. My cervix gave way and opened and I lost Sam while she was still inside me. They say the grief of a stillborn child and that of losing a child are not the same. I know how hard one was, so I can't even imagine what Heather and Mike are going through.

I was told at subsequent doctor visits that I would not get pregnant, and if I did I would be at high risk for losing the child. Then something magical happened, shortly after getting married to the now Mr Ex I was pregnant. I was terrified and yet delighted at the same time. Until I past the 14th week when they could sew my cervix shut I was scared. Would I lose Roo too? It was a high risk pregnancy that well defied the odds.

At 37 weeks, which is considered full term they took the stitches out and I had a beautiful child, my miracle girl. Now Roo had some medical issues right from the beginning and continues to have issues but we handle these one day at a time. I wouldn't trade her for the world. In taking the time to remember Sam and Maddie I was reminded to take time to truely enjoy the daughter I do have.

So today we went for a walk looking for the signs of spring and what did we find growing near the stream by our house but purple flowers. They made me stop and think of Maddie and Sam.

*ps it is not too late to give a donation to the March for Dimes so babies can live.

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