Sunday, June 14, 2009

Bad Mom Good Mom

Over the last few weeks there have been many posts out there in Bloggerville about "good" moms and "bad" moms. About the different styles of parenting, about the how to's and how not to.

For me many times by many people I have been labeled a bad mom while on other days I have been labeled a good mom. Personally I am just another mom. I don't think I am a bad mom but I know I am not that "good" mom either. Please just call me mom.

With that said I am a mom. I have been a mom for a long time now. I have been Roo's mom for almost 12 years now and before her I was step mom to 3 very terrific kids who here on this blog I will refer to as my 3 Musketeers, as they were always together when they were little. I was also mom to Sam my babe who has been in heaven for 17 years now. I think that gives me a bit of mom experience.

What I hate most about what I have seen on many blogs is how we can look down on each other, how often we are quick to judge one other. It seems each mom thinks they know best as we often do. We are quick to comment, to correct, while instead is is not inside us to do the right thing. Sometimes that right thing, is silence is you disagree with what is being said. You know that old saying"if you can not say something nice, do not say anything at all". I am not saying there is not a time or place for disagreeing but really some of the comments I have read do nothing for moms as a whole.

You see over the years I have been a mom who has been judged as often happens with the moms of special needs children. We are given unwanted advice, told how to better parent, told in some ways we are responsible for how our child behaves when that behavior is part of a medical disorder that does exist. Over the years I have been told to give her more time-outs, to discipline her more, make her try different things and the list goes on and on. I have even had well minding people call Children's Aid on me more then once ( each time to have the file closed within 2 weeks).When does it stop?

Over the years I have heard every kind of comment from the peanut gallery that make up those that are in my life. Some of the comments have lead me to question myself, to doubt, to wonder, but then I wake up and smell the coffee and realize that no mom is perfect, and sometimes even moms hide behind masks to purely exist and pretend all is well.

I know what that is like from first hand experience, I used to be that kind of mom. Then along came Roo and the mask had to come down and down fast for I realized if I was going to parent solo style I needed a community behind me. I am glad that people came into our lives at the right time to encourage, to bless, to befriend when needed.

As for what style of parenting is best, what works best, my philosophy is now this let your gut lead you. Let is lead me. There will always be experts telling us the how to and how not too but I think we can get too caught up in all that is out there that we can forget what is important and that is being a mom who is their in their own way for their child.

For me as a blog commenter I try to remember what is really important, not all the mumble jumble that makes up the parenting world but us and our kids. I think as bloggers and as moms we can do more of that but then I am the sappy mom who wants diversity and respect. Is that too much to dream of?


MeLoDee said...

Make sense to me!

Karen Sugarpants said...

What a great post. One of my best friends has a special needs child and she gets a lot of that well-meaning yet unsolicited advice. I can't imagine how annoying that must get, not to mention hurtful.

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